Hello there loves. Palo here. This week, I decided I’d do a deep dive into my personal experience with learning about the masculine/feminine dynamic. How it manifests in my life, how I learned from it, how it could raise some eyebrows, and so on. As I woke up this morning, I felt called to play upon my storytelling abilities instead of writing my usual blog posts, where the approach tends to be a bit more “educational”.
First things first, I believe there are a few things that I would deem as flawed in the femininity and elegance movements that are all the rage online nowadays.
If you are here on my blog, you probably know what I’m talking about: the rise of these femininity coaches and gurus on YouTube and Instagram, that are teaching young women how to be a high-value woman and how to be elegant.
Truthfully, I think it’s wonderful that one day, you’re at the very beginning of your femininity journey, and you have no idea of what you’re doing – so you collect all the information you can get your hands on, getting educated, reading every article, watching every video you can find on the subject… but then after a while, say a year later (which was the case for me), you don’t need to gain all that information from somebody else anymore.
Therein lies the importance of, in my opinion, making our own decisions in life, and having our own opinions and thoughts – which is kind of hard to do these days, where everybody’s lives are somehow intertwined in so many others’ lives because of the easy access to online communities.
My path to finding my Inner Goddess
Now, on to my personal journey… I’m 22 years old. And for 21 years, which equates to 95% of my life – 95% of the time that I have been alive on this earth – I was not living in my truth. I was not living in what I’d call my “primal state” in terms of the balance between masculine and feminine energies.
Being a woman, I would ideally want to operate more so in my feminine energy in order to thrive in all areas of my life. But I was nearly blind to the fact that I was always in my masculine, even though the physical signs were so apparent… I was such a tomboy growing up!
All that changed last year when everything shifted. Suddenly, I was so aware of the fact that not only physically I resembled a guy, but also through the ways of my behaviour and my thinking. Every aspect of me was so deeply buried inside this whirlwind of masculinity.
And I believe that’s what’s beautiful about this whole levelling-up process – that when you open your eyes to what is possible, to your limiting beliefs, and you look inwards, you truly find the things that have been holding you back in the past.
What has helped me immensely in reclaiming my true self was healing my dark feminine through astrology. Take a look at this post where you can learn to do it for yourself.
Last year, I stumbled upon a YouTube video of this woman teaching about dining (or fashion, I don’t remember) etiquette and I thought “that’s nice”, given my love for luxury and the finer things. So, I clicked on it. And let me tell you this, I had no idea of the path that was ahead of me right after that video.
At first, I didn’t think much of it but as I watched and watched more of this woman’s videos, I found other gurus that I thought were fascinating. Slowly but surely, I got into my femininity journey.
Fast forward to now: there are many things that I’ve encountered on my path to discovery that worry me, especially as they’re going progressively viral – because some people are more susceptible than others when it comes to information online, namely teenage girls. Thus, let me share with you some handy tips!
The 6 lessons I’ve learned on my femininity journey
1. Don’t take the man for granted
“You are the prize”. We can find this toxic thought anywhere in the femininity circle, really. The women who praise this tell you things along the lines of “you have to remember that YOU are the prize, YOU should be the one impressing him when you’re out on a date, you shouldn’t be chasing the man”.
I agree with that to some degree – there’s an extent to which that can be healthy. Yes, we are the prize. But as far as I’m concerned, a relationship is interpersonal. Two people are concerned here, not just one. It’s just like a friendship or a business partnership. There are two of you. There must be an energy exchange.
So, if you constantly put yourself on a pedestal and you think “I’m the prize, I’m the prize”, unconsciously throughout time what’s most likely going to happen is, you’re going to step into this toxic femininity mode -where all you do is receive and you do not give.
And I’m not talking about material things, but rather purposeful, intangible qualities that would flourish the relationship you’re in.
In this scenario, the question that we would ask ourselves is: what do I have to offer? What do I bring to this relationship? It’s not only our looks, and it’s not only our presence. Maybe we can start thinking of the man as a human and not as an accessory.
Case in point: I had a friend who was naturally very feminine. So, naturally, she leaned so much on the other side of the spectrum that she would expect her girlfriends to give, and she would never give back in return. Not her time, not her support, and definitely not material things like gifts (even on birthdays).
No matter who it was, she would always expect people to do things for her when she in fact had nothing to offer anybody. Her romantic relationships had been quite an interesting dynamic to watch over the years.
I’m not saying all this to judge her though – we’ve had many a discussion on this issue! It’s an observation that I found important to notice because it could do just as much harm as good in a relationship if we’re constantly in our “being” and “sitting back” modes.
2. Femininity does not function properly without masculinity
Never has, never will. And why is that? Well, you could refer to my former friend’s story that I just mentioned above, but also… when you go out in nature, for instance, everything is a product of polarities. A product of the concept that “opposites attract”.
We are naturally wired to function from both sides of duality, so it’s not just about being the most feminine that you can be. I know some women don’t mind staying home all day, taking care of their kids and simply homemaking for their husband – which is great if you do. You do you.
But I think most of us have big goals we’d like to achieve in life. We shouldn’t feel bad for wanting a great career. For wanting to play sports or to ride a race car (something that I’d love to do)
3. Just because the man that you’re dating is rich, does not make him a “high-value man”
Oh, this one. I’ve never understood the logic behind this! It’s crazy how information online and the constant exposure to a certain concept can really twist and turn people’s minds. What’s worse is that not only does a percentage of the femininity community believe this, but also the red-pill masculinity circle – who has dangerously been pushing this idea to men for quite some time now.
Yes, money and power do elevate a man’s status, a man’s attractiveness. It brings him more opportunities and he thrives when he is successful, that’s for sure. And I’m not going to lie, that’s something that I value in a man.
But what happens when we get married to this millionaire or billionaire, then one day something happens through no fault of his own, and his business just crumbles and falls? He’s lost his power and status in the blink of an eye. And we’re left with nothing but his morals, his values, his personality, his problem-solving skills, and his thought process.
The point here is not so much about preparing ourselves for the worst-case scenario, but more so about reflecting on what positivity he can bring in our lives other than the material. That’s the essence of being a woman. If we are truly in our femininity, then we naturally would think about what it is we are receiving from the other person that would be in our best interest.
4. You don’t have to “look elegant”
Now, this is more prominent in the elegance movement, where some ladies would tell you “Wear this if you want to look elegant, wear that if you want to look feminine”. At some point, the elegant style just becomes so modest and boring!
I must admit though, I kind of had some trouble with this at the beginning because as I mentioned earlier, I have been a tomboy for practically all my life. And so, when I was hit with this whole wardrobe change, I was not quite sure what to believe, what to follow, or what to think.
So I eventually decided to combine the fashion advice from these women with my own taste and style. It works well for me now because I no longer need to follow their guidance, but at the start of my femininity journey, I made a lot of mistakes in buying things that I thought would look great but in fact, just didn’t feel like me.
And I think that that’s something that they fail to mention. That if you want to wear loose-fitting clothes – and notice I’m not saying baggy because baggy clothes do not enhance your personal brand – then you should be able to do that whilst also feeling feminine. It’s all about how you feel in what you’re wearing. How you project your energy.
5. Overanalyzing your femininity journey is masculine
Let’s take the clothing example from above. Say you’re following the advice of a fashion guru in the femininity community, and she advises on wearing trousers instead of jeans because it’s more elegant. But you personally love jeans! So, you start thinking to yourself, “hmm… I love to wear jeans, so how can I make it look elegant?” You then look up “how to style jeans elegantly” and none of the outfits is your style.
So, you start overthinking what is wrong vs. what is right. But the mere concept of analyzing, searching for answers, and trying to solve problems is masculine. Evidently, the use of discernment is crucial here – using our logical brain is essential but when we’re overusing it, we’re being counterproductive. It doesn’t serve us in any way.
In brief, if it doesn’t feel natural, don’t sweat it. I understand that at the beginning of your femininity journey, it’s normal to do your research and go over many things thousand times repeatedly, but if after a while you’ve tried something and it still doesn’t feel like you, it’s all good baby. No stress.
6. Make it work for you
I thought it would make sense to put this as the last point because this usually comes into play when you’re in the more advanced stages of your femininity journey – where you’ve been in your feminine energy for a while, things come to you more naturally, and you know what feels right in your body and mind.
We all have different perceptions of what a feminine woman looks like, but the one that we commonly think of when we look at femininity coaches is; poise, doesn’t say much, is sensual, wears dresses… Basically, a well-behaved girl who attracts men like a magnet. Well, if that’s your view of what a feminine woman looks like, then that’s amazing!
But as I’ve been saying throughout this whole reading, that’s not ideal for the majority because a lot of us have big personalities that we don’t want to hide from the world, that beautify our aura, that maybe aren’t considered as “feminine”. And so, sometimes we may think “this is not feminine, I shouldn’t be doing that” … No, honey.
If you shine when doing a certain “non-elegant” thing, then it is what it is. I do want to point out though, I’m not talking about doing things like walking around in stripper clothes! That is a whole other subject. Because let’s not forget: the core values of a feminine goddess are based on respect and purity – not necessarily virginal purity, but the one buried deep inside your soul.
Personally, what makes me feel the most feminine is being present. Cliché, I know. But as my work schedule keeps getting more and more hectic every day, I’ve learned to build a routine for myself. At first, I was a bit worried that I was tapping too much into my masculine energy and was worried about burnout by conforming to my strict routines.
So, I started to implement moments of “being” into my day. Just being, not doing anything. I simply sit and look around. Or having my morning cup of coffee. To me, nothing feels better than sipping on that little cup of coffee when the house is quiet – looking through the window, not thinking about my to-do list. That is where my femininity lies.
That’s all for today, folks! Honestly, it felt great to let my heart out a bit in this less-structured blog post because I just feel like I can connect with you ladies so much more. If you have any experiences from your own femininity journey that you’d like to share, please feel free to comment below!
Sending you all my love,
Stay blessed and see you next week.
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